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Weirdest things I have heard my bosses say

The Book of Ojuufo|Nitten Nair|Over the years I consider myself extremely lucky to have worked with a myriad of bosses who range from the utterly incompetent to the perfect role model. Regardless of their skills and temperament, I had the good fortune of establishing a rapport with almost all of them.

This rapport also gave me the opportunity to witness some of the most absurd things to come from their mouth at times. Some were hilarious while some were downright insane.

So in no particular order, here goes. In cases where a little context is required, I will be providing it.

 

  • “Nitten, ensure you store water today. There will be no water supply in the hotel tomorrow.” – Random call from my boss who was off duty when I was closing the bar for the day. (Possibly drunk)
  • “Nitten, don’t look at it as PR. It’s all about Pyar (Love)” – When I asked how my boss has such good PR with the guests.
  • “Your commitment to work will be measured by the amount of time you spend in office.” – A supposed motivational talk by the boss.
  • “No one will leave this meeting until someone confesses about the toilet.” – A meeting called by the boss to investigate who forgot to flush the toilet.
  • “You should think about work all the time and be stressed about it.” – Boss trying to explain how crucial the project is.
  • “If he doesn’t pay the money, catch him by the b***s and make him pay” – Boss stressing how important it is to collect payment from the client.
  • “If I give you a laptop, you will take work home. Then I will have to put up with you bringing home to work.” – Boss explaining why we are only allowed desktops at work.
  • “I blame myself. I am not able to excite you enough.” – Boss explaining an average appraisal.
  • “You need to do more of my work. Only then I will have time to do my bosses’ work.” – Boss delegating work to me.
  • “We need to ensure that xxxxxxx (My boss’s boss) is promoted. Then I can be promoted. Only then I can promote you.” ­– Boss explaining hierarchy and career plan.
  • “Convince or confuse. No other way around it.” – Boss explaining how to get a client to agree to a campaign.
  • “Dealing with him is an occupational hazard. That is why we give you full coverage insurance.” – Boss trying to calm me down after dealing with a tough client.
  • “Leave office and go home to your wife on time. Or else someone else will…” – Boss explaining why we should not stay late in office.

 

There were probably a few more weird ones but these are the ones that I can probably never forget.

Written by

Nitten Nair is a seasoned marketer with experience over various platforms and marketing functions. A voracious reader and passionate writer, Nitten has managed to shift seamlessly from topics ranging from management, work-life balance, life and more recently satire. A post graduate in Creativity & Innovation from the University of Malta, he also holds certifications in communication from the University of Amsterdam and in Executive Leadership from Cornell University. Degrees apart, lessons learnt from the School of Hard Knocks and the University of Life have defined his professional and personal outlook…