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Joker Zelensky Should Return To His Old Job, Playing Piano With Penis

By Nantoo Banerjee

Returning empty-handed and crestfallen from his meeting with United States President Donald Trump, popular satirical comedian turned Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky looks more like a totally confused person now. He doesn’t know whom to trust — highly peeved US President Donald Trump or the leaders of the EU-UK combine, the backstage instigators who constantly propped him up to fight a losing battle with mighty nuclear armed Russia. Even after the globally-televised snubs he received from Trump and his Vice President James David Vance at a White House press conference after a tense Oval Office meeting, he had the cheek to confer with those European leaders, playing the fiddlers on the roof, on his return about the future of his country’s three-year old war with mighty Russia, especially after the massive death and devastation on its eastern front. Joker Zelensky is clearly at his wit’s end.

To save what is left of the beautiful land of Ukraine and its people, Zelensky must resign soon and let his country pick up a level-thinking leader to settle for a peace with Russia to rebuild the country, one of Europe’s most technologically advanced nations. All that Ukraine needs to do is to assure Moscow that it will not entertain NATO on Russia’s back. It will remain a politically neutral nation, acting as a buffer state between Russia and NATO. Energy rich Russia, a military superpower, has rarely flexed its muscles to impress or frighten people in the region. It is true that Ukraine was forced to cede majority Russian speaking Crimea in 2014, following a pro-Russian uprising. And, ever since Crimea has been part of the Russian Federation. This was clearly unacceptable to Ukraine, leading to continuous conflict between Ukraine and Russia. To Russia’s discomfort, Ukraine was constantly bending towards its NATO neighbours and aspired to become a NATO member for a joint offensive against Russia.

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Incidentally, Russia has always looked for good economic and political cooperation between the EU and itself to grow and work towards a strategic partnership. The EU is by far the largest export market for Russia, while Russia is the EU’s third biggest trade partner, with Russian supplies of oil and gas making up a large percentage of Russia’s exports to Europe. In fact, President Trump’s intervention to end the Russia-Ukraine war should be welcome by all concerned. And, Zelensky needs to be dumped for the political safety and economic prosperity of the entire region. India has been genuinely concerned as the country is a friend of both Russia and Ukraine.

The war between Ukraine and Russia has benefitted none except probably China, ostensibly a friend of Russia. Paradoxically, China had even indirectly supported Democrat Kamala Harris against seemingly pro-Russian Republican Donald Trump in the last US presidential election to ensure that the war continues to boost its lucrative trade with both the US and Russia. This was barely months after Chinese President Xi Jinping pledged a new era of partnership between China and Russia during President Putin’s Beijing tour in mid-May, last year. Xi greeted Putin on a red carpet outside the Great Hall of the People in Beijing, where they were greeted by marching People’s Liberation Army soldiers, a 21-gun salute on Tiananmen Square and children waving the flags of China and Russia.

Putin could never believe that China would like a Democrat victory in the US presidential election just to ensure its unhindered export trade with the US, even if that means a further continuation of the Russia-Ukraine war. Now, a Trump-Putin alliance resulting in a possible end of the three-year old war and the US announcement of additional 10 percent tariffs on Chinese goods have angered China so much that China officially reacted by issuing a threat that it is ready to fight for any ‘type of war’ with the US.

Donald Trump’s return to power with a windfall victory in the last presidential election has severely upset the political calculations of Ukraine’s Zelensky, China’s Xi and heads of NATO member-states in Europe. Now, the 47-year-old Ukrainian president, Zelensky appears to be the most worried about his own future at this moment. Maybe, he is looking back to those happier days when he played the popular Jewish classic ‘Hava Naglia’ on a piano with penis for a living.

Jewish-born Zelensky grew up in Kryvyi Rih, a major city of Dnipropetrovsk Oblast in central Ukraine. “I’d give anything to beat those ivory keys with my manhood right now instead of leaving the fate of our nation to foreign superpowers hellbent on making lucrative deals for themselves with Ukrainian territory,” politically humiliated Zelensky was quoted as saying before media persons as he was bombarded with questions relating to news of ‘peace talks’ between Russia and the US. “Maybe if I did the piano act again today as president wearing this stupid khaki T-shirt they make me wear, then everyone might actually listen to me?” he had pondered.

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However, there is no sign of Zelensky resigning anytime soon unless he is thrown out of power for a more fruitful peace negotiation between Russia and Ukraine. The US wants him to leave. But, Zelensky seems to be struggling hard to remain in power with the support of NATO’s European members for a possible face-to-face with Putin for a peace agreement. Zelensky knows he can’t be removed immediately. He will try to hang on till peace talks are formally concluded between the two countries.

Any change of president in Ukraine would spark at least six months of political limbo, and that would require an enduring ceasefire in the war before elections could be held in conformity to international standards. A professional showman, Volodymyr Oleksandrovych Zelensky would like to hang on to the political stage till a peace agreement brings the curtain down on the war. Ironically, a major hurdle in peace talks between Russia and Ukraine is a 2022 decree signed by Zelensky himself that bans him from negotiating with Putin. Despite Zelensky’s willingness to talk, the law prevents him from entering talks with the Russian president. (IPA Service)


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