How well do you remember Herman van Rompuy?

Tomorrow, Herman Van Rompuy (which, lest we forget, rhymes with ‘Pumpy’) steps
down as President of the European Council. He may look like Sven-Göran
Eriksson’s less exciting older brother, but for five years this unelected
eminence very grise has dominated European politics. So what do you know
about this human riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a bland, Belgian enigma?

1 The man least likely to be president of anything was born in Brussels on
31 October 1947. What was his father Vic’s profession?

(a) Owner of a small department store

(b) Host of a popular local radio show

(c) Professor of Economics

2 Which of Belgium’s three official languages is Van Rompuy’s native
tongue:

(a) French

(b) Dutch

(c) Double-Dutch

3 What middle name, derived from a mighty, warlike hero of Greek myths and
legends, did Vic and his wife Germaine somewhat implausibly give their
mild-mannered eldest son?

(a) Hector

(b) Achille

(c) Hercule

4 At school, what were Young Herman’s favourite subjects?

(a) Latin and Greek

(b) Maths and Chemistry

(c) Bunking off and cigarettes

5 Who was the hero of Herman’s teenage years?

(a) Elvis Presley, hip-swivelling rocker

(b) Jean Gabin, legendary French movie star

(c) Jean Monnet, founding father of the European Union

6 For many years, the EU has faced the question of whether or not to admit
Turkey to its ranks. In 2004, the year in which Van Rompuy became a minister
of state in the Belgian government, he spoke out against Turkish membership.
But (in his own words) what was the reason – which some might find offensive
– for his objection?

(a) The democratic values which are in force in Europe, and which are also the
fundamental values of political freedom, will lose vigour with the entry of
a less than liberal country such as Turkey

(b) The cultural values which are in force in Europe, and which are also the
fundamental values of the European race, will lose vigour with the entry of
a Middle Eastern country such as Turkey

(c) The universal values which are in force in Europe, and which are also the
fundamental values of Christianity, will lose vigour with the entry of a
large Islamic country such as Turkey

7 Prior to ascending to the giddy heights of Euro presidency, Van Rompuy
had the honour of being prime minister of Belgium. But for how long did he
hold this august position?

(a) Under a year

(b) Two years

(c) He served a full, five-year term of office

8 As a typical European politician, Van Rompuy sees his function less as an
inspirational leader or doughty fighter for his cause than a fixer,
deal-maker and stitcher-together of expedient coalitions. So with what
artisanal epithet, intended as a compliment, did France’s Le Figaro
newspaper describe him?

(a) A watchmaker of impossible compromises

(b) A baker of infinitely digestible cakes

(c) A tailor of coats to fit all political bodies

9 How did Van Rompuy himself see his role as the president of the European
Council while chairing negotiations involving the leaders of 27 EU states?

(a) Neither a leader or a follower, but a communicator

(b) Neither a spectator, nor a dictator, but a facilitator

(c) Neither the hammer, nor the nail, but the piece of wood

10 In a less flattering vein, how did Ukip MEP Nigel Farage describe Van
Rompuy – to his face – when he first took office as president in 2010?

(a) “You possess the a physical presence of a gerbil and a vacuum where your
personality should be”

(b) “You have the charisma of a damp rag and the appearance of a low grade
bank clerk”

(c) “You’re as limp as a lettuce leaf and as memorable as a sheet of blank
paper”

11 What was the response in Brussels to Farage’s stinging assault?

(a) He was given a standing ovation by members of other Right-leaning,
Eurosceptic parties from across the Continent

(b) He was given an award for Parliamentary Comedian of the Year by the EU
press corps

(c) He was roundly booed and fined €4,000 (then worth £2,700)

12 In terms of his basic pay, before allowances, what was Van Rompuy’s
annual salary in euros (which was calculated, incidentally as 138 per cent
of the highest pay-grade for an EU civil servant)

(a) €158,645, which was marginally less than David Cameron’s salary as the UK
Prime Minister

(b) €298,495, which was marginally less than President Obama’s salary as US
President

(c) €356,176, which was marginally less than Wayne Rooney’s weekly wage as
Manchester Utd captain

13 One might not expect Herman Van Rompuy to have the soul of a poet, but
he is in fact a published writer of Japanese haiku – three-line verses
comprising 17 syllables. So which of these tributes to Euro-politics did
“haiku Herman” (who plans to devote his retirement to pursuing his poetic
aspirations) pen?

(a) A wreath made of stars

Surging on a blue sea

United forever

(b) Twenty-seven Prime Ministers

Speak with but one voice

Yes, this is compromise

(c) The endless flow of the boy who pees

A continent brought together as one

Brussels sprouts

14 “A haiku usually starts with an experience that can be very trivial,”
Van Rompuy has remarked. So what trivial incident inspired him to write his
first haiku?

(a) His grandson’ balloon popped at a birthday party

(b) A child’s ball landed in his garden

(c) He felt melancholy looking at his daughter’s birthday cake

15 What other prominent post-war European statesman was also fond of
composing hiakus – including one that read: “The boy in the forest / Throws
off his best Sunday suit / and plays naked” – as a means of helping ease the
strain of his position?

(a) Helmut Schmidt, Chancellor of West Germany

(b) Charles de Gaulle, President of France

(c) Dag Hammarskjöld, Swedish Secretary-General of the UN

16 Herman Van Rompuy’s successor as EU Council President shares a name with
a classic Walt Disney cartoon character. Is he:

(a) Michael ‘Micky’ O’Riordan, formerly the Irish minister for health and then
EU commissioner for rural development

(b) Donald Tusk, formerly a Solidarity activist and then prime minister of
Poland

(c) Pluto Stephanides, formerly mayor of Nicosia and then briefly prime
minister of Cyprus

17 As he left the EU, Van Rompuy complied with Brussels etiquette by having
a pop at the UK, claiming that the EU could survive the loss of Britain, but
not that of France. But what adjective did he use to describe the state of
the EU after a hypothetical British exit?

(a) damaged

(b) indifferent

(c) jubilant

ANSWERS

1. (c); 2. (b); 3. (b); 4. (a); 5. (a); 6. (c); 7. (a); 8. (a); 9. (b); 10.
(b); 11. (c); 12. (b); 13. (a); 14. (b); 15. (c); 16. (b); 17. (a)